What with the growing interest and general curiosity in BDSM, kink and D/s roleplay, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment. Throw on the fuzzy handcuffs, ready the candlewax and get to putting that brand new flogger in use. Yet while all this sounds grand in theory, in practice, a somewhat disturbing fact is that the number of sex related casualties has actually doubled since thinking kink became ‘in vogue’.
From burns to sprains, twists and pulls, these injuries may have garnered a reputation for being as hilarious as they are adventurous. Yet, that same laughter can be a little difficult to work when it comes to phoning in work on Monday morning! Save yourself the embarrassment, trouble and pain of becoming not just a slave to, but a casualty of your lust with these top tips. Observe these five to honour the big three and stay safe, sane and consensual as well as sexy.
Your safeword.
This is probably the most important tool in your kinky arsenal. Use it wisely and maturely in order to avoid any unnecessary complications in the bedroom and any uncomfortable morning-after silences. Remember, even if you agree to abide by certain rules, or limits, you aren’t obliged to follow through with conduct that makes you unnecessarily comfortable. Choose your safeword carefully, before play. Ensure that both yourself and your partner are aware of the safeword and, if using something which will obstruct your access to this word (such as a ballgag), agree on a signal which will stop play immediately. This signal could be anything from three sharp cries behind your gag to blinking your eyes. Finally, remember that safewords aren’t just for submissive players. Dominants, be sure to make good use of yours also to stay within boundaries and explore more thoroughly within them, confidently, safely and happily.
Limits
Both yourself and your partner should have a long talk on this front. Pick at least five things you absolutely will not do prior to play. Talk in-depth about any fantasies you want to live out with your partner and where you expect these to take you. Spontaneity is always a good thing, however, so is an awareness of each respective partner’s boundaries. Once these limits are established you can play freely without stepping on another’s toes. This kind of arrangement will also deepen trust and lead to better scenes together.
Avoiding unnecessary injury: bondage
While it might be tempting to the newbie to pop down to the local hardware store and scoop up a good length of hemp, be aware that human flesh is much more susceptible to bruising and injury by poor quality rope than most other BDSM implements. This might sound like an over-exaggeration until you take into account the varying ways you or your partner might struggle in their restraints. Uncomfortable and unsightly rope burns can be safely avoided simply by investing in a decent set of silk ropes from a trusted provider such as this set, just £10, from Ann Summers: http://www.annsummers.com/p/silk-rope-ties/03bocuas1023006
Additionally, know your knots before unleashing a set like this upon a willing victim or allowing them to be used on you. While this might sound slightly tedious to the excitable, a little knowledge can go a long way. Safe knot practises are widely promoted across the web and many instructional videos, such as this one, are available for the new and cautious:
Tying a knot safely and securely will reduce the risk of damage being done to any important circulatory pressure points such as the wrists. Finally, during bondage scenes, remember to check the colour and temperature of the flesh. If you or your sub experiences a tingling sensation in the ends of their fingers or toes, finish the scene immediately. Alternatively, use cuffs with velcro or adjustable straps.
No compression around the throat
Any type of pressure around the neck can be dangerous for a variety of reasons, the least of which is restricting the flow of air to the lungs. For this reason, make sure that any collars used during play are adjusted and secured with a comfortable breadth of space away from the neck – you should be able to fit at least two fingers behind the band of a collar before leashing. Furthermore, be careful not to restrict someone’s airways if you have them face down on the bed. The person in this position should easily be able to move their head and the position itself shouldn’t be held for too long.
Flogging and Spanking
First and foremost in this area – do not simply choose the prettiest flogger as your first choice. There is a certain art to using some of these items and while floggers such as this one: http://www.annsummers.com/p/chain-flogger/03bowsas1053037 may look easy on the eye, but is far from beginner friendly. The power and precision a flogger like this has demands a steady, practiced hand. Be aware of the weight a flogger can have and the impact upon the body of a willing victim. Choose something lightweight and, preferably, made from softer material to practise with. If you wish to gage how much impact a stroke from a decent flogger will have, practise on a watermelon or grapefruit. Any deep indents made upon these mean that you are probably hitting too hard. Bear this in mind before upgrading to a human subject, or even test it gently on your forearm to get a feel for the strength of the item.
Choose your arsenal carefully.
Choosing bondage items to suit both your purposes and experience is one of the most important lesson to be learned for the newcomer to BDSM here. You need to know your tools and what you intend to do with them. Get to know your partner’s reflexes and attitudes before unleashing a heavier tool upon them. If you’re new to BDSM in general or new to this one partner, this is not a process that should be avoided. If you’re curious as to which objects might be newbie-friendly, read on to our Best BDSM Buys for the Newcomer.
Credits: Rope Restraints by Micio, Collar by Grendelkahn, Leather Flogger by Denby,